Life, Death, Celebrating….

Well it is the period of Halloween or All’s Hallows eve, where we celebrate the dead’s.

I remember in my childhood it was the once a year event when we were going to the graves of grand parents and all known people from the same cemetery.

I did not enjoy that and I did not understand the reason.

Anniversaries

We celebrate births, important dates such as Wedding, first time meeting….and Death anniversaries.

I still do not understand it….so in some instances you go to a cemetery once a year to clean the grave and remember the person.

That is perfectly fine, now what happens if you are not in the country or area where the person is buried, what if there are different people who are not in the same cemetery.

Do you then pick and choose? Every year a different place?

I do not disagree with the principle and respect people doing it but myself find it confusing.

I prefer even after death remember people’s birthday and buy a bouquet of flowers, lit a candle (scented preferably).

Sometime I think of someone who is gone just because I heard a song, smell a smell that remind me of them…lots of different reasons and cherish that moment of remembrance.

Nevertheless I like the idea of a community coming together to celebrate death.

The day of the dead - Día de los muertos

That is something that really inspire me. It is an actual community coming together to celebrate.

I love the fact that it is a general remembrance it is not an individual process and it is a celebration.

My memories of 1st November grave visiting is grey, sad, forced among all member of the families. It was mandatory but there was no actual feelings behind it in a way, it felt like it had to be done but no joy and no celebrating of the people who were gone.

I do not even remember talking actually about who we were visiting, it was silent “prayers” as I said it felt cold and more like a tick to a box to be done once a year.

I think that is why I do not like that process of once a year to remember ALL the people gone without warms or actual thoughts behind the process.

I would love once in my life go to Mexico and see that festival, ceremony, celebration and feel part of the leaving through the dead community.

I think that is why I love Halloween because it is a community coming together to celebrate.

Halloween

Probably because I am not from Ireland originally and we do not celebrate Halloween in France, that I love Halloween.

It is a time of the year where I can see the community coming together, people decorate their houses, buy sweets to prepare for the Treat or Tricksters coming to the door, parents get exited as well especially of small children.

The towns get busing with fireworks as well.

It is just lovely, due to Covid the tradition seems to have lost some its momentum but this year it seems to be coming back a little more.

I guess the age of the population also play as families with smaller children will decorate more than single or older people but still it is very rare that household do not have sweets for the little ones.

Also I believe teenagers should be welcome to Treat and Tricks as well as this is such a fun thing to do to dress up and go gets sweets from your neighborhood.

I think Halloween is not for all culture and that is fine as each culture should have their celebrations but I am grateful to be in a place where Halloween is a biggish deal and hope this tradition remains for ever.

After all Ireland was where Halloween was born even though most people think it was the US.

Just for clarity I will copy past the proof from Wikipedia

Halloween,[a] also known as All Hallows' Eve,[9] or All Saints' Eve,[10] is an Irish celebration observed in many countries, originated in Ireland on 31 October, the eve of the Western Christian feast of All Hallows' Day. It is at the beginning of the observance of Allhallowtide,[11] the time in the Christian liturgical year dedicated to remembering the dead, including saints (hallows), martyrs, and all the faithful departed.[3][12][13] In popular culture, Halloween has become a celebration of horror and is associated with the macabre and the supernatural.[12][14]

Funerals

I do not do funerals if I can avoid them, not out of disrespect for the dead but because most of the time it has nothing to do with the dead.

Let me explain I went to lots of weddings and all were so different because they were about the couple getting married and you could see their personality in the wedding.

Funerals are not about the departed but the person who organise the funeral.

It is possible that some people try to respect the person’s wishes but my experience of funerals is that it is about the organiser.

I do not know why maybe because it is the person who is left behind and even though they are trying to respect the departed, they bring back everything about themselves.

The music, the stories, the ceremony does reflect the person left behind.

There was a speech specifically that really made me realise this. The person who had died had been estranged with one of their children for decades, they had reunited only a few months before the death occurred.

The only children had been present all their life’s close to that person but even though this was the case the estranged child took over the ceremony, and made such a speech about their live and how wonderful it was to have reunited indeed but this was literally a sentence after describing how wonderful and successful their life had been. While I was listening I was wondering “how is this celebrating the departed life that even though they had been estranged for almost 30 years they were successful in life” what did their success have to do with him in a way when they did not mention how he educated them and were there for them in order to give them the tool.

Another one the organiser was telling how all was about the departed indeed but mentioning how thoughtful that person was to prepare everything so thoughtfully. How that person went above and beyond to make sure all the details were right. Again well done but why was it important to make it about “YOU” and not the departed?

I am probably hypocritical as if I were in charge of a funeral and I honestly do not want to if I can avoid could do the same thing who knows?

Grief

Once again this is kind of personal and controversial.

Everyone grief differently and same person will grief differently for the loss.

I personally prefer when someone recovers from grief pretty fast.

I know it might sound strange but the person who is still alive should be happy and live a happy life.

I heard and this is what triggered this blog actually someone mentioning that “they thought someone got over the loss way too fast!”

First of all you do not know how this person is behind doors, secondly you do not know what actual relationship they had and thirdly who are you to judge someone well being.

I welled last time my rabbit died, crazy upset, I felt her life was taken way too early and also reacted pretty strongly when one of my fish died and my rooster but some actual family members died and I did not scream or through myself on the floor. I shed a few tears and was extremely upset inside but from the outside it looked like I was less upset from a human dying that a fish. Is it true? Only I know that for sure and I will keep that secret to my grave :)

But if someone looses someone or get a divorce (for example) which also require grief I hope they can start laughing and eating and have fun very quickly.

Does it mean they did not care about the person? Not in my opinion but you only have one life and this life should be about remembering but also enjoying life.

Life is for the living…to the full.