Violence is never the answer? Really?

We all heard of the sentence, Violence does not resolve issues.

But I have to admit I am in two minds about this saying.

I just want to warn that there might be some triggering content as I will touch about different form of bullying

Number one - Physical abuse

Obviously this one is easy to notice as it shows on the person. It is when someone physically assault another person, this person can be man or woman as physical abuse can be done by either sex.

It might sound strange and people would expect only strong people physically to be able to convey pain.

But it is not the case even if the abuser is of lower physical force, it does not mean that it cannot happen as long as the recipient does not react.

The thing is physical abuse very often is also link to mental abuse as of most of the time the abused person is in love or has an attachment to the abuser.

Can be a parent to a child, the child to an elderly parent, and obviously adults between one another.

Recognising that women can be the abuser is still in the rising, as most of the time it was seen as a male dominance process.

Also there was the fact that the women were more at home and were financially dependend on the man of the house.

But now we have support for both men and women, but it seems still a very difficult topic.

For women as mentioned there is the love aspect and the finance aspect as well even still now days, the promise that it is the last time and it won’t happen again, or it only happens when he has drunk….all those excuses that are being provided by the victim.

There are the shame of reporting the facts for either but on this one I believe for men even more as they are supposed to be the stronger in the relationship, so being physically abused can definitely be more difficult to admit.

And there are the dual physical abuse when both parties are participant and will assault one another, this is back at being a toxic relationship.

For the later, separation is the best option as the abuse will remain as long as those people are together.

Some people bring the best in one another and some bring the worse and it is recognising that is important and accepting that it will not get better.

There are examples from the world of celebrities where money is not the issue but still the person remained for a long time.

Examples that are famous can be Tina Turner and her ex husband.

I do not think it is up to us to understand but we need to help if needed if the help is accepted.

Acceptance of help

There are many help lines and they should be used. The thing is that we see from an outside point of view.

We are not in this situation so we think it is easy to just not accept what is happening. But every one has their limits and acceptance and as mentioned love has a big part in this matter.

It makes me think of the elephant you can see in Thailand, they are tied to a small nail but they are not moving away even though that nail would not resist, this is because that nail was there from when they were small and too weak to move the nail and they have not realised that the nail has not gone stronger with them.

They assume that it will not allow them to move so they do not move, they have been broken.

So we should not look from the outside and just say, why do they stay in this situation, even though we want to.

Psychological abuse

This is a different ball game altogether and much hard to identify and harder to get to understand the full extend of the damage.

I believe every single person suffer from some kind of psychological abuse from our parents, siblings, work place, school, children, relationship and this is the fact of life and this what becomes “our baggage” in life.

And that is unfortunately unavoidable.

This is not the abuse I am talking about, I am talking on the consistence bullying a person is doing using words to hurt another person on purpose.

The fact that this person is using words to hurt, manipulate, reduce a person to nothing in their own mind.

This is very often seen at school and in the office.

This is the one that I question if violence would not be the solution.

Bully the bullies.

If you could just turn around that one person who is trying to break you by their actions and if you could just turn around and give them a slap and tell them to “Fuck off now”, who do you think you are….attidude.

This would be the end of it, believe me.

But because of the power struggle which is what office bullying is, several people getting together to intimidate someone or someone with higher title which belittle someone else which more often is actually more competent and is the reason why the bullying is happening is because that person wants to keep this better version of themselves under control.

Bullies do not bully out of spite in my opinion but out of fear for themselves or their positions.

Of course there will be the small amount of pure arseholes that will just bully for the sake of it, but in my experience those are very little numbers.

The thing with bullies is that if you can confronte them then most of the time, the bullying will stop as they are not actually very strong people behind their title or fake attitude.

The sad report I can make is that in many work place unfortunately, the department that should help you,, turn a blind eye to report of bullying, not sure why but this is what I noticed in life.

So in the end you are alone and need to fight and that is why some violence would be a solution but as mentioned unfortunately turning to violence would get you fired, so you are stuck between a stone and a hard place

Sexual harrassment

This is the one that shocked me the most.

I did not think I would ever react this way but I did.

I would not think myself to be a weak person, but the first time that person was inappropriate at work it took me so much by surprise that I could not switch my attitude after that.

I was working late at work and thought to be alone in the office, but I was not and out of no where that person put its two hands around my keyboard leaning over me, and just talked to me in the corner of my ear.

I was surprised and as mentioned it took me by surprised, I think if I could have reacted on that moment and just pushed him and react violently I would have been fine.

But being at work with no witness I felt trap and small.

For weeks the subtle remarks kept coming and the innapropriate closeness.

I did report it and the answer that was provided was that “If he was my type would it be an issue….?” and that I could be wearing a ring to discourage that behaviour.

Anyway my partner knew about it and was not happy about it but could not do much as it was at work.

One day at the restaurant, I almost dropped my tray because he murmured in my ear that my skirt was very flattering, a colleague asked me what happened and I mentioned what happened.

Several women then started mentioning that the same thing was happening to them and my report additionally to the others convinced the management to take action.

But my voice alone was not enough as mentioned this was the only time I really felt without any power but I know that if I had reacted violently the first time, this would not have happened and maybe some other women would not have suffered.

But fear for my employment paralysed me rightly or wrongly.

Not sure if it were to happen again how I would react….